How to say no plus 10 templates to help you

How many times have you reluctantly said yes to something and instantly felt burdened? 

I’m sure it’s too many to count. The more in demand you become the more often you’ll find yourself saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’. 

Learning to say no is an ultra-effective life hack. As Derek Sivers puts it, if it’s not a hell yeah then it’s a no. Saying no is uncomfortable and requires practice.

It's important to give yourself permission to say no. This will be a pathway to questioning many other decisions you make. To decline something requires you to think about the opportunity cost, the payoff, and your broader values.

Why do we say yes so often?

We say yes for many reasons. They usually include:

Not valuing your own time: When we don’t value our time we don’t understand how costly it can be to say yes. There’s always an opportunity cost involved. Whenever we agree to one thing we are foregoing something else. 

Naval explains how to deal with this very eloquently. He suggests setting a high hourly rate for your time. He originally set this at $5,000.

 If your time was worth $5,000 would you really waste it gaming for hours every night with your buddies? Or go shopping because your friend is bored? Probably not. 

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have fun. You absolutely should. It’s to ensure you’re doing the things that truly make you happy and move the needle the most.

Seeking approval: We agree to requests because we simply want people to like us. We fear that we’ll be judged for saying no. As you can imagine this isn't always the case. People often care about themselves more than they care about others. 

Unclear of your personal values: This may seem similar to not valuing your time, however, it’s not. Your personal values relate to the things you find most important in life. This is often family, meaningful relationships, health, and entrepreneurship. 

When you’re aware of your personal values it becomes immediately clear which activities you should be spending your time on. It also helps navigate who you’ll do this with.

Fear of missing out (FOMO): This is an obvious one. It’s annoying and it can be hard to avoid. If we value our time and we have guiding principles it should make it easier to justify why something is worth missing out on. 

The more focussed we become, the less we care about what’s happening around us. An easy way to help is to reduce social media use. If we can’t see all the so-called amazing things happening around us we can’t be influenced by it.

Three ways to know if you’re saying yes too often:

You’re always busy: Take a look at all the things you need to do this week. How much free time is there? How much of it is essential? If you find yourself always busy with things you don’t particularly care about or enjoy you’re saying yes too often.

You dread doing the things you agree to do: When the event or task rolls around it can feel like such a drag. You really don’t want to do the thing you said yes to.

If you think about your plans for the week and your answers start with “I have to…” then you’re saying yes too often. Common ones you hear all the time:

• I have to go to {event} for a cause I don’t care about,
• I have to finish {pointless tasks} for {someone who isn’t my boss and I don’t even like}, and
• I have to help {friend/colleague/relative} whom I haven't seen in {months/years}.

You find it difficult to say no: Ask yourself “When was the last time I said no?”.

Can you remember?

How did it feel?

If you can’t remember the last time you’ve said no and you dread your commitments you should learn to say no. Practicing stoicism is a great way to become more comfortable saying no.

Why saying no is key to building a successful business 

In the context of building profitable businesses with a full-time job saying no is especially important. There is no time to be wasted on things you don’t truly enjoy or that drive you closer to your business. 

It requires a set schedule outside of your 9-5 to spend thinking and executing your ideas. This time needs to be safeguarded. An easy way to prevent people from asking for things includes scheduling block-out periods before and after work hours. 

Your colleagues know you won’t be able to attend to them at those times. They’re actually expecting you to say no when they see your calendar is busy. And to everyone else you don’t work with you can simply just say you start and finish work late. 

If you’re worried this won’t be taken seriously, make it sporadic. One day you can have a block-out period from 6:10am – 9:15am and another day it can be 7:00am – 9:00am and so on. This will give the illusion you have various tasks and you’re not lying.

10 templates to help you say no 

Pat Walls from Starter Story has collated a list of templates for saying no. These are from the likes of Naval Ravinkant and Paul Graham. We’ve handpicked the best ones and added some of our own ?